My Heart's Desire

I only want a few things in life, my family, the man I love, my kids and to sing.  As of now I have them all except for one.  I had stopped singing for quite some time now and I don't know if I ever will do it again, well at least in front of an audience that is.  I can still sing in the shower or in the room though, LOL! But anyways, I have recently found a video which I thought to have been lost or was deleted, but I found it and uploaded it on YouTube, to my greatest joy.  I just found myself amusing and funny cause I was so nervous, and this was during a pageant, not the kind of pageant you might be thinking but a pageant for moms.  Funny right?  But like any other contest, it was still nerve wrecking, and the experience was overwhelming.  So, here is the video I was talking about.  I hope you like it..:) Thanks for reading and have a great day! xoxo!!! :) 

PS.  Sorry about the video quality.  It's really not that good cause the original file was about 1GB or more. Thanks! ♥

Life and Love

Rain drops on my roof, sounds of thunder rumbling echoing through my room.  I lay in bed watching as water trickle down my window pane.  The emptiness is depressing.  I feel numb and couldn't care less about anything.  I couldn't sleep, my mind wanders in this cold and seemingly endless night.  Suddenly, all I could think about was how I became like this.  I was happy, once upon a time ago.  I didn't think it was possible for me to be as miserable as I am now.  I was doing everything I wanted and I was content with that.  I was at the peak of my career and it all changed after I met him.  I thought I was impenetrable, invincible, you know?  I didn't really expect to be like this at all.  I didn't know what it was.  There I was being myself, doing what I loved most, not being concerned with anybody but myself.  Then it happened.  I was driving my car on a night just like this.  It was pouring hard and I had a hard time looking at the road.  My cellphone rang and I glanced at it for a split second and I didn't realize I was on the wrong side of the road.  When I looked up, a car was headed towards me.  I swerved and hit a tree.  The next thing I knew I was in the hospital.  I was knocked unconscious and was brought in to the emergency room after the accident.  That was where I saw him.  The moment I woke up, he was just there at the room checking on charts.  I cautiously asked him what happened.  He said I had hit my head but other than that I was fine.  I never felt like I did at that moment and it was overwhelming.  I thought maybe it was the drugs at first but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, I felt kind of bad.  I didn't mind it though, I went on with my life as I used to.  One day, as I was walking through some shops at a local mall, I saw him again.  I never did get to ask his name, and I thought well, he might not have remembered me, after all there are tons of patients he would have met in that hospital.  So I decided to move on and went my way, until I heard someone call out and said, "hey!"  So I looked back and saw him standing there smiling at me.  And I just smiled back trying to look confused.  I didn't really think he would remember me at all.  He told me, "Hey, I remember you.  You were the patient I had at the hospital."  And I replied and said, "Yeah, that was me."  And that was how it all started.  We met up a few occasions after that.  He invited me to a romantic dinner and we went out a couple more times after that.  I couldn't believe myself, all feeling mushy and confused at the same time.  I was already 25 and I never, not once in my life ever felt like that before.  I felt so overwhelmed and happy and I had butterflies in my stomach.  One day, he asked me out for a walk.  He told me that he had never been so happy in his life before and he was happy to share it with me.  And I felt exactly the same way.  This went on for 5 months and we kept seeing each other.  Until one day, he didn't call me.  I wondered what was going on so I called him but he just wouldn't pick up.  All I could hear was his voice mail going over and over again.  I felt really bad about it so I decided to shrug it off and went out to get some ice cream.  As I was heading back with my big scoop of ice cream, I saw him just outside the church.  I couldn't believe my eyes as I stared at him.  My feet kept dragging me closer but my heart wanted to stop.  I felt like my heart was going to explode and I feared that I was going to drown in my own blood.  I couldn't take it anymore as every step became a terrifying moment.  Just as I was about to take the last step at the foot of the church he looked at me.  He just looked at me with his eyes almost begging for me to come but then he was dragged inside the church by some guy.  I just stood there frozen in front of the church.  A white car pulled up just in front of me, and out came a very pretty woman wearing a satin white gown.  Her hair was beautiful and long.  She looked very happy as she tried to carry the tail of her dress towards the door of the church.  I couldn't bear it any longer so I turned back and ran away.  This just happened yesterday.  I thought of many ways of hurting myself, you know, many ways to die.  I felt broken all the way, to the very inch of my body.  I didn't know what to do.  My eyes have gone dry from crying and my throat couldn't take any more.  So now I lay in bed restless.  No more I said, no more.  And then the phone rings.  Should I answer it?  I wasn't in the mood to do anything.  It kept ringing and ringing until my voice mail picked it up.  It was him.  He said, " Hey babe, I am so sorry I didn't tell you."  And a little silence.  He goes on, "I was going to tell you but it was on such short notice that I didn't have time.  I wanted to invite you to my sister's wedding but I couldn't get my phone.  I left it at the hotel as we were preparing.  I know I should have told you sooner but the schedules were changed and I wasn't even prepared myself.  I hope you understand babe, I would really want you to meet her.  She would really like you.  I love you so much and I hope you'll forgive me."  What the???? (lol)

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